We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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