Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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