just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Randomize
