Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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