i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
