Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
