I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize