TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
When are your genitals available?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
