I got chris browned last night
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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