Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
