i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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