i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She's the barista slut.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
