Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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