"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You're like the curious george of whores
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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