my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
