where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
