"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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