Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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