We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
