i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
