just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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