He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
