He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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