the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
