The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm passing your future prison.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
