Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(863): View more from Florida

Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.

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(352): View more from Florida

if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk

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(931): View more from Tennessee

I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(616): View more from Michigan

you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way

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(903): View more from Texas

He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again

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