Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
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Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
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I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
the sex got boring after the first three hours