3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
My throat feels like a candle.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"