Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Are we still banned from the library?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
