i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize