Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
