my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
