I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
