so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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