im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
