I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
