My friends, they love my intelligence
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize