I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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