I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
People in love make me want to vomit
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I made him laugh his dick is mine
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
