Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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