Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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