I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
