i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
it's like heaven, but drunker
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
