why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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