Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
