Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
