I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
