We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
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hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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