I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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