no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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