Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
