dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My life is pants optional.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Never underestimate the power of titties
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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