I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm like, not good at living.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
