i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
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Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
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I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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