you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
