I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
