That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
