proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
