Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
