By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
