I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
