Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
