Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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