She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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