Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Randomize
