My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
