I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
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