Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
