Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
