Me too!
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
