drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
