dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
