I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
